Travelwise women find going alone has advantages

Last year as she floated down the Nile in the company of strangers, a writer named Kate recalled an earlier self who never dared go to a movie alone. She didn't even go to lunch by herself.

Hearing her tale, many of us murmured understanding. Who hasn't argued to herself, "Sure, I'd love to see Tasmania, but I'd never go alone."

It begins in girlhood, going to the bathroom in packs, and then later you slip into marriage or some kind of buddy mode and you start thinking that every activity from enjoying a cheese sandwich to a foreign sunset is only half an experience if there's no one else around.

In many cases, at least for a lot of women, I think it's more the dread of being seen alone than actually being alone.

Table for one? What a shame.

Going to Bali by yourself. Tsk.

Not really.

There's a growing number of solo travelers who present a brand-new image of women alone. They're not loners, they're adventurers. When they hear the call of the world, they don't wait for husband, friend or tour bus.

One woman told a packed meeting room at a Women's Travel Expo in San Francisco that she's hit all seven continents, twice. Sixty-three countries to date. A young woman bicycled through Europe and then started on Central America.

These are women who don't worry about anyone else's passport but their own. They do their homework and then go into Turkey and Thailand and figure out how to be safe. They trek Nepal. Others opt for less strenuous but equally brave vacations, seeing Paris for the first time and, if need be, reaching the top of the Eiffel Tower alone.

A friend and I recently discussed how society puts a sad face on solitary women. It just never considers that the woman spending dinner with a book is enjoying her solitude.

Or that a woman who walks into a bar may be looking for nothing more than a beer. And that the one quietly staring at a Monet relishes her private moment.

Travel writer Mary Beth Bond has a chapter on solo travelers in her new "Gutsy Women" travel tips book. She says the person on her own may actually end up having more experiences than when traveling with others. She can be more spontaneous. She's more open to casual conversation than as part of a couple. Alone, you can make your own decisions about where to eat, how many museums to do in a day, when to siesta.

Bond quotes Joan Medhurst, a retired professor from Alameda who says women traveling alone advance an image of women enjoying and taking care of themselves.

"We pave the way for normalcy someday for all those women peeking out from kitchen curtains and behind veils, women who can't travel out just yet until they see that there is a road."

Still, you imagine the warnings: "You'll be lonely, robbed, hurt." Or worse.

A Berkeley woman dealt with roadside harassment while bicycling through Europe. A man on a scooter patted her on the rear as he passed. Then he circled back and did it again. Finally she cursed him with every French expletive she knew and tried to knock him off his scooter. He moved on.

Bond talks about the impact of "vocal embarrassment." She says that pests can usually be scared off by shaking your finger at them and yelling, even in a language they don't speak.

"Most sleazy men don't want public attention," she says.

Women who travel alone find they develop better radar than when they're accompanied. They're more apt to check out who's walking behind them, when to cross the street, when to sidle up next to a family.

I liked these women. They were full of worldly wisdom. When dining at a restaurant, they advised anchoring your bag between your feet. At train stations, sit on your backpack. Forget travel irons, pack some herb tea and learn to walk with a purpose. Don't bring any clothes or jewelry you can't bear to lose.

I kept waiting for someone to suggest hiding your travelers checks in the wet foot of a dripping pair of pantyhose -- my favorite travel tip -- but I doubt they mess with pantyhose.

I saw a woman who looked like she owned a mountain top. She smelled like a rare spice, wore silver bangles, a turban, long flowing dress and a homely pair of walking shoes.

She made me want to go to India. Or at least Vermont.